Meaningless Squabbles
by Pandas Are Still Bears RAWR
Summary: Whose brilliant plan was it to marry those two together? Their bosses obviously. Now they'll have to endure a marriage from hell but at the same time, the seeds of love are growing at the speed of a snail. Not that they'd ever admit. A series of drabbles on Teikoku Shimaguni/Pirate!England x Dark!Japan. I'm tempted to put this as Tragedy.
1. Marriage from hell

**Merry Christmas y'all. How are you all hanging about? Okay, so I don't celebrate christmas BUT WHO GIVES A DAMN? **

**Anyway I'm here to say that I fell in love with Teikoku Shimaguni which is AKA Pirate!England X Dark!Japan thanks to the awesome doujinshi translated by three very nice people. It's basically about England and Japan being forced to get married even though they fight every time they meet. I couldn't help but find it too funny and my plot bunnies held me at gunpoint so THIS is the result. **

**Another thing is that England will be known as Britain while Japan's Nihon so as to not confuse them with their future, more mild selves.**

**Warning: An unhappy marriage between to men, language and yaoi. ****(I have absolutely NO experience of a marriage nor do I want to so this is all mostly from my head...and maybe the arguments with my sis.)**

**I do not own so just fucking enjoy this.**

**=w="**

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It was just an arranged marriage, nothing more than a legal title of two people being together.

In this case, it was a marriage made in hell.

Who the fuck thought it was a great idea to wed two enemies together? Their bosses of course.

Before the marriage, Britain and Nihon were never seen without a weapon drawn. They were always fighting and throwing insults at one another. The two even kept a secret notebook in which they would write down who won the brawl, when and how it happened. As the winner or loser would plot to kill the other, they would also count the days till the next fight.

Imagine their shock and horror when their bosses announced that Britain and Nihon were getting married. Let's just say that the whole room looked like a whirlwind happened while the two enemies were worn-out. Fortunately, the bosses left the room pleased with the agreement and unharmed, much to the nations's dislike.

After the official wedding, Nihon was forced to move into Britain's home. Even there, the two still argued and fought like cat and dog. Once, the oriental nation had even change the lock to the house, leaving the British pirate to have to climb through a window.

However, despite all the hate for one another, seeds of something began to sprout.

It started _slow_ as fuck, paining them with every centimeter it crawl but somehow, the plant continued to grow. In the end, they started to be able to tolerate the other's presence a tiny bit better. They managed to be at peace with each other for little amounts of time. Although they still gave sarcastic comments and fought, it was not as harsh as before.

Slowly, small moments like this presented itself.

The pirate was leaning his chair back, munching on a scone. Across him was Nihon who was sipping his tea quietly, looking at the flowers. They were in the gardens drinking tea. It was not a normal thing to see them together so silently, but it had been an order from their bosses to have a 'Bonding time' in their schedule. Their superiors wanted them to 'bond' closer so that the alliance wouldn't break easily. They even had a member of each group to sit nearby to watch if the two were 'bonding'.

Unfortunately, a wish like that would _never _come that simply.

For the first ten minutes, it was fine. The two only made small talk, their words with a double-meaning. The two humans posted here to watch were new, nothing bad seemed to happen. In fact, it appeared to be a rather calm tea-time. They didn't see why their fellow workers would avoid this job like plague. Until Britain lifted his legs and rested them on the white tea-table with a sigh. That was when things went downhill and they understood why nobody wanted this post.

"Get your feet off the table brat. Didn't your mother teach you well?"

"Who do you think you are?" An eye-twitch, both workers jolted that down on their notepads. "I own this house"

The oriental nation's eyes slide shut and he scoffs, "I am wed to you so I own it too. Now please put your feet down."

"…Are you challenging me?" Britain growls lowly, gently shooing away a flying pink bunny as he glared at the raven-haired man.

"What if I am?" Nihon grins daringly, opening a red eye to return the glare. "What are you to doing brat? Pull out that toy you call a gun?"

"Yeah, want a taste grandpa?!" The blonde man snarled, jumping up and pulling out his pistol.

"I prefer not to touch such a pathetic weapon. It has no elegance, unlike mine." The Japanese man hisses, drawing out his katana.

The two workers's hands worked fast, noting down information as the two fights. Britain goes first, firing his gun rapidly at Nihon. The raven dodges with ease and swings his sword, grunting softly when the other blocks with his cutlass. They continue to attack, the brawl turning into something similar to a deadly dance. The two had moved deeper into the garden to avoid breaking the table again, lashing out of one another with ferocity.

Both of them were evenly match, in the end it was a tide after they both fell into a rose bush when Britain tried to force Nihon against the garden wall.

"This—"Nihon was cut off by a hiss of pain as he managed to pull his shirt away from the thorns. "—is entirely your fault!"

"Oh really" Britain growled, ignoring the stings of the scratches he just earned. "Well if you didn't try and be my mother then _this_ wouldn't had happened!"

"If you knew your manners, I would have been silent!" The oriental nation splat as he sheathed his katana.

"Why don't you just mind own bloody business?!" The blonde snarled, hostelling his gun and glanced around for his hat.

"Because I'm married to the worst man on Earth and that I have to spend my life with the idiot!" The raven-haired man replied angrily, snatching Britain's fallen hat from the ground.

"Well this man doesn't want you anywhere near him!" Despite his words, the pirate nodded his thanks as Nihon handed him his hat.

"Go burn in hell you stupid old man!"

"You go first damned brat!"

This was all recorded down onto the report. The two humans shared a glance before the Japanese one started to voice out.

"A-ano, bonding-time is over. You stop now" The poor man tried, only to be silenced by two death glares from two very scary people.

"Shut. Up."

They growled darkly together, nearly making the two workers wet themselves – the butler was used to these fights – before directing their glares to the rightful person. They continued for a few more minutes till the butler cleared his throat and announced that the English man had a meeting with another county while the Japanese needed to have his afternoon nap (Thanks to his high-blood pressure and stress from the marriage).

"Humph, I shouldn't waste my time with someone like you." Britain scoffed, sneering at the shorter man.

"Indeed, you are not worth my time." Nihon snorted, sneering back before the two started to walk back into the house. They went down the corridor that led to their room in silence till the pirate finally spoke.

"You are more forward now" He commented quietly, now that they were alone.

"You fight more gracefully" The raven replied, his voice hinting no emotion.

"Don't attack head on since you have to protect your sides more."

"Try not to lean too much to your right; it hints to your foe that you favor your right leg."

Stopping, they both turned and inspected the other. They were both covered in scratches from the rose thorns but the blonde had a medium sized bruise on his left hip while the other had a slight cut on his right side. Their clothes were ripped and hair messy but otherwise fine.

'_He's fine'_ they told themselves. Neither of them was worried one bit for the other, not at all.

"Seems like I have to be more forceful on you next time eh?" Britain quickly turned away, scratching the back of his head.

"Right, I will show you no mercy in the fights after this." Nihon looked away, biting his lip lightly.

"An-anyway I have things to do." The pirate said, walking down the corridor.

"Same here," The Japanese man hastily agreed, walking the opposite direction. "I shall see you at dinner." He added nonchalantly.

"Yeah, see you later" Britain answered in the same tone as he made his way to the study.

"Don't forget to bath stupid brat" His eye-twitched, hand hovering close to his cutlass at the other's cat call.

"You're the grandpa, _you _don't forget!" He yelled back, irritated but at the same time somewhat glad.

"Annoying kid" Nihon grumbled, entering their room. Yet as the words left his mouth, he felt the small warm feeling deep inside.

Secretly, both of them worried that they might have hurt the other badly. But this wasn't love or anything of course! It was just that their bosses will scold them if anything happened to either person.

That's right, they didn't care or anything. It was just for the marriage.

Nothing more.

That was what they thought each time a fight was over. They still gloated at the loser and bark insults at one another but those seeds were still growing. And someday it was going to become a beautiful flower.

Till then, they both will bring this secret to the grave and hell under.

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**I'm not sure if anyone has made this kind of fic yet...whatever. MAJOR TSUNDERES HURR DURR *Shot* If you wanna check out the We Got Married doujinshi here's the lick? (Add the HTTP shit in front)**

** shimagunilove . tumblr post/ 29255787267 / we-got-married-teikoku-shimaguni-doujinshi**

**Hope you enjoyed this, if you really liked it then please freaking review. REVIEWS MAKE ME CONFIDENT TT^TT (and give suggestions on what should happen to the 'unhappy' couple.)**


	2. Special: Christmas

**Bloody hell. I uploaded the chapter before I edited it, fuck. Sorry.**

**Holy crap I've got Stray flower-san as a follower, love her blog. CUZ THATS WHERE I READ 'EM DOUJINSHIS. Anyway thanks for the review, is tired. Sorry for the short-as-hell chapter here, hope ya don't mind too much. This is my first time uploading two chapters, hell i'm on a roll here. **

**Plot bunnies! PLOT BUNNIES~! *hides knife***

**Disclaimer: I does not own.**

**Warning: If ya no like BL, then leave this page.**

**Enjoy**

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Britain paced back and forth in the lounge. He anxiously glanced at the old grand-father clock beside the sofa, it was almost eight. Nihon was supposed to be home an hour ago.

…B-but it's not what you think! He wasn't worried for that old man or anything. He was just…timing the other, yeah, that's right. The blonde was only waiting for the other to come back so that he could tell him off for being late, nothing else…

Sighing, Britain stopped and flopped onto the couch. Who was he kidding?

Emerald eyes shifted to the tall decorated tree that sat by the fireplace, today was Christmas and yet he was still here instead of partying or something. His gaze dropped to the box under the tree, the wrapping paper was white with red ribbons. It had taken him a month just to make that thing – not the box you fool, he meant the present inside – but the receiver wasn't even here to open it.

"Bloody hell…" The pirate muttered under his breath, combing his fingers through his hair.

The Japanese man went sent on a regularly mission, the usual one of assassinating some random bastard for interfering with their counties. Could it be that something happened to him? It was unlikely but possible. Sometimes if the target puts up a good fight or has strong bodyguards, they would come home with injuries. Once, Britain had returned with a black eye while Nihon broke his wrist.

Whichever way, it would secretly distress the other. Nobody had the right to hurt either of them unless it was their counterpart.

No one.

It wasn't that they were possessive or something – okay, maybe a little bit – but it was instinct. God forbid that should the future require them to be at war against each other, they should be the only one to cut the other down. Besides, Britain and Nihon had been living together for sometime now. That torture should have earned them the right to kill one another, right? Maybe he should call someone to check on the old man, the blonde didn't want to waste his time waiting for some stupid grandpa to come home.

"Alright," Britain got up and walked over to the phone on the table nearby. "Let's just make this quick." Repeat he was not worried for that man; the English man was just curious why the other was taking so long.

Just as he was about to touch the dial phone, the sounds of a door opening in the distance was heard and familiar light footsteps were heard. Immediately, Britain was outside by the corridor with his arms folded.

Nihon was strolling in, looking normal to most eyes. However the blonde had grown accustomed to his counterpart's ways, noticing certain things off about the raven. There was a barely noticeable limp in the Japanese man's confident and graceful walk. Britain could tell that something was annoying Nihon, for the man's grip on his katana was tighter than usual and his eyes were slightly sharper. Those red eyes grew even sharper when the owner saw him, stopping a few feet away.

"Tadaima" The raven said quietly with a slight glare before trying to walk pass the blonde. Britain would be a fool to let that happen though.

"Where were you" It was a statement, not a question as a hand enclosed around Nihon's arm. "What took you so long?"

"So rude" Nihon shook his head, clicking his tongue as if he was scolding a child "To think that you call yourself a gentleman"

"Humph, fine. Welcome back. Now answer the questions."

"On the mission but I was stalled by certain…things" The Japanese man glanced to the side for a moment, biting his lip which made Britain raised a thick brow. The other often did that whenever he was worried about something.

"And what are those certain 'things'?" He let Nihon pull his arm away, watching as the raven made his way towards the stairs to their room.

The smaller man paused, halfway up the stairs before shrugging. "Uninvited guests"

A split-second later, they heard a knock on the main door. Britain's eyes widened when he understood what the other meant but was too late. Before he could act, one of the few remaining servants – Most of the staff was on their day-off to go home and celebrate – went to answer the door. Chaos happened as other counties and people; He recognized his future self (England) and France, poured into his mansion.

"They asked if they could celebrate with us because you were too lazy to go out and party." The pirate heard his 'wife' shout from upstairs, "So I said yes and please do not worry about the food, the French insisted that the cooking was done by them"

Britain stood there with his eye-twitching, speechless from the sight of his empty house being suddenly filled. A moment passed before he recovered.

"I'll kill you, you old bastard!"

Upstairs, Nihon allowed a small smile on his lips. Yes, the English man might act that out. Not that he'd let him though, the raven thought as he entered their room. The Japanese man took his time to shower and change, smirking lightly as the sound of loud music boomed downstairs. That would no doubt keep the other busy as Nihon took out his own present from the secret compartment in his drawler.

He stared down at it, emotionlessly. It took him weeks to think of what to give that disrespectful youngster. The raven had taken painful steps to create this thing, making sure that the gift appeared neither caring nor cold. Taking out a flat rectangle-shaped blue box, Nihon inspected the red and white ribbons. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea…Even if they were married, they were still foes. Enemies don't give each other gifts, right? Oh wait, he heard of Germany and the future self of Britain – England was it? He was a better gentleman than that pirate – sharing a game of kicking a ball or something.

Nihon sighed heavily, sitting on the king-sized bed. He was not familiar with this 'holy' event; perhaps he could ask Holland-san or his future self for help. Or, his lips turned into a dark grin, he could just not give the present and let Britain suffer alone downstairs. But then again, all his effort in making this gift would be wasted. Luckily, a soft knock stopped him from making his decision.

"Sumimasen," A voice so alike yet different in many ways spoke from behind the door. "Britain-san asked for you"

"Thank you for coming to get me" Nihon said, picking up the present and opening the door with a polite smile. "However please refrain from allowing that brat to order you around, Kiku. You never know when he will try and bed you."

It felt rather weird to call his other self his name but the two ignored it. After all, it was only a fan fiction.

"A-ah, I apologize. I'll keep that in mind." Japan's face flushed slightly before the two made their way downstairs. It was a chaotic but fun mess of a party, there were random people everywhere and destroying the house. The second they stepped into the main room of the party, Nihon watched as a loud America bounced over to them and stole Japan. The other Japanese male gave him a apologetic look before disappearing into a sea of people.

Now alone, the raven glanced around for his 'husband'. Unsurprisingly, he found Britain and England auguring with France and his past self, Franks (It's the ancient name of France DAFUAQ?) about who had the better past/future/other self. It was true that a gathering like this was very rare but this was irrelevant. Sighing, Nihon was about to go and break up the fight like the good 'wife' he was when an arm wrapped itself around his shoulders.

It was Prussia who shot him a challenging look. "Hey evil Japan! You want to have a drinking contest with the awesome me?" He had to raise his voice over the music blasting at the corner to be heard.

"No thank you" Nihon chuckled softly at the new nickname before flicking off the offending limb off. He was about to continue on his mission to pull that idiot away by the ear when Prussia spoke up.

"Aww, that's a pity. Fine then. I'll get Kiku instead!"

…Well fuck. The raven knew that he couldn't hold his alcohol as well as the German. His current self might wake up with some stranger if he accepted, and being the polite person he was, he probably will.

"If you insist" Nihon growled, knowing full well that he was going to regret this tomorrow morning. But if Kiku avoids this fate, it would be worth it?

"Great! Meet at the kitchen but you defiantly won't beat my awesomeness" The albino claimed, laughing as he went to find more victims— I mean friends to join.

Yep, the Japanese man sighed, he was going to regret this no doubt. The dark aura around Nihon thankfully kept people away as he went and dropped his box under that damn tree before stomping his way into the kitchen, glaring at anyone in his way. He was greeted by the sight of most of the counties, both past and present. A frown was made when the raven also saw Japan in the middle of the crowd. Looks like his choice was for nothing.

"Let's get this over with" Nihon sighed, hating himself. Although he noticed that a certain brat was nowhere to be seen. Not that he cared.

The rest was a blur after a few drinks, but at least he let held on till Germany passed out on the table. That night was filled with strange happenings. He remembered seeing a stupid looking man dressed as an angel who was dancing with Kiku on the table while singing some song about wrapping winter up. (See My Little Pony), America kissing a chair, a scarf-wearing man carrying off the current China-kun and other weird things.

Nihon was slumped on the kitchen counter, watching an adorable chibi-fied version of the current Italy chat with some blonde kid. They looked so sweet together, he wished he had his camera to capture this moment but suddenly he was flying.

No, wait. Somebody was carrying him in bride style, heading up the stairs. No way was he going to let some stranger sleep with him. Swiftly, the raven pulled out a small dagger and pressed it lightly against whoever-this-was's neck.

"No need for that gramps"

He knew this voice but the oriental nation wasn't able to put his finger on it. However, his sluggish mind told him that he could trust this guy so the blade was lowered. Nihon faintly remembered hearing a door swing open before he was placed onto a bed. The caution came back and the raven narrowed his eyes, grabbing the knife again but nothing happened. A blur of yellow, white and blue moved in front of him, muttering something about not keeping an eye on somebody.

The blob of colors stood still for a moment before it went into the bathroom. Nihon stared at where it disappeared before dropping the dagger somewhere and rolling over to the side. A minute later, the familiar warmth came behind him and arms circled around his waist. Although drunk, the Japanese still slapped the hands off, earning a chuckle from behind.

"Merry Christmas Kiku"

"Quiet brat"

The arms came back but he couldn't be bother to stop him as a comforting darkness took over.

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**I apologize, I am not familiar with Christmas for I do not celebrate it. If I got anything wrong, let me know if you please. Hope you all enjoyed this.**

**...**

**GET AWAY WRITER'S BLOCK! GET AWAY! *Jumps back into my well***


	3. Omake and Insults

**I'm so sorry this took so long, I was busy playing Maple story *Nervous grin* hehe...anyway I realized something when I updated the previous chapter:**

**I HAD NO OMAKE**

**I was shocked because I had a image in my head of when they opened their presents! I'm so sorry for making you all wait, I'm sorry if they really are OOC. I'm losing my touch because the holidays are almost over! *beats Writer's block away with a rolled-up newspaper* Away demon! I'll updating Little Relfections soon, no need to worry.**

**I do not own.**

**Warning: Boy's love, somewhat racist insults below and OOCness. Good luck**

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Britain cursed under his breath, savagely consuming a scone for breakfast. He was pissed and had ever right to be for today was defiantly not his day. A deadly aura surrounded him, scaring the heck out of a maid who passed by, as his mind replayed what happened not too long ago. Apparently he must have pissed off Mistress Fate as three things happened the moment he woke up.

One: he woke up from being unable to breathe thanks to not one, but _two_ cats that decided that his face was the prefect napping spot. The pirate managed to shove them off without hurting them, earning outraged yowls and hisses.

Two: not a minute after that, Britain was unceremoniously kicked off the bed by a grumpy Asian who was suffering from a serve hangover.

Three: the blonde's own hangover got worse from his meeting with unforgiving ground. Britain himself did drink a few glasses but not enough to end up the rest.

"Bloody old wanker!" Britain started, pushing himself off the cold floor. "I will kill—"He was cut off abruptly by a pillow in the face, nearly falling back down from the force.

For a guy with a hangover, Nihon's aim was still quite accurate.

He heard a muffled growl from the raven, probably one of "Get. Out" before a pale hand lifted another pillow again. Not wanting to get hit again – that guy could make fluffy, soft pillows _hurt_! –, the Englishman grabbed a change of clothes and weapons before leaving to wash up. And now he was here alone in the kitchen, still angry.

'_Arthur! Arthur!'_

The sounds of fast flapping of wings like a humming bird along with a high-pitched voice came from the hallway. Britain glanced at the door and in came one of his little fairy friends. It had pink hair and wore pink rose petals as a dress with glowing glitter that followed it everywhere.

"Good morning" He muttered as the magical creature fluttered closer. He was still upset, but not enough to ignore one of his friends of course.

'_Morning Arthur, there's something you have to see!' _ The fairy squeaked with excitement, landing on his shoulder.

"Maybe later" The blonde was about to continue his meal when his friend began tugging his sleeves insistently.

'_Come' on, come' on!'_ She kept pulling, making Britain sighed inwardly.

"Fine, just let me finish my tea." He finally said, scowling weakly at the delighted fairy.

A small cheer was heard from outside the doorway and the pirate raised a brow when he saw that more of his friends were waiting there. _Please don't let this be another prank_, he prayed to no one in particular. Last time they called him like this, Britain found a maid who was on the verge of hyperventilating thanks a toy bunny used as a jump-scare. He let his friends lead him through the corridor, entering the lounge. There, the Christmas tree still stood along with presents under it.

'_It's this one' _Called Uni the unicorn, nudging a box that was further away from the rest. Britain picked it up, feeling its weight. The box was blue with red and white ribbons, reminding him of his flag, and had a small drawing of a bunny at the corner. He didn't dare shake it, fearing that whatever's inside was fragile. Instead he found a tag with only his name on it, nothing else. The pirate glanced around, should he just open it? Or should he wait for—

_No, it's my gift anyway. _Britain thought as he sat on the sofa, _why should I wait for him when he kicks me off the bloody bed?_ That ungrateful bastard! To think that he had carried him to bed last night.

The blonde gritted his teeth, deciding that he shall open all his gifts. Despite his anger, Britain delicately undid the ribbons. It was obvious that the sender had put in effort in wrapping it up. Just as he pulled the ribbons away, the door creaked open.

"So impatient" Nihon remarked quietly, giving the pirate a look of disapproval "As expected from the likes of you"

"Good morning to you too" Britain glared, noticing that the other eyed the box in his hands longer than one would normally. "What?" He glared, his previous anger returning.

"Nothing, just still amazed that you haven't destroyed the paper" The raven shrugged while the younger man's growl, choosing to pick up his presents instead. It was nice of the other nations to give something to him even though he didn't celebrate the said event.

"Put a sock in it" The blonde grumbled, watching from the corner of his eye as Nihon sat on the couch across him. Britain's eyes widened just a tiny bit when he realized that the other was holding onto his present. He could not help but watch as the Asian removed the ribbons, feeling a little nervous.

"Yes?" The oriental nation asked without looking up. The pirate's gaze was smothering and easy to notice. This…was probably his gift then.

"N-nothing" Britain quickly busied himself with removing the wrapping paper.

"It's obviously from you" Shrugging, Nihon wore a small grin with a glint in his red eyes. "That one's from me. Why don't we open them at the same time, hmm?"

"Why not?" The blonde smirked coldly "Let's see what kind of rubbish you've thought of"

The dark-hair man scoffed "Says the man who can't cook to save his life"

"I'll let that slide" Britain hissed slowly, his eye twitching. "On three"

"One" Nihon pulled off the paper gently, careful not to tear it.

"Two" They both placed their hands on the lid

"Three!" Britain yanked the cover off and froze.

It was a beautiful oil painting of him in the gardens with his friends. In it was him laughing as his unicorn nuzzled him while the fairies hovered above him, in the background most of the flowers were in full boom while the sky was the prefect weather for a picnic. The blonde had no idea how Nihon managed paint his magical friends color correctly but was impressed nevertheless. It was well detailed and realistic, making him feel like they would move and come out of the frame right there. Hell, he could even see their cats by the fountain in the back. Britain knew that the raven strongly disliked painting, preferring to stick with calligraphy or drawing instead. It must have taken a long time to complete such beauty, which made him suddenly remember the two things that he put in Nihon's box.

_There's no way my gift could compare to this!_ The English man's mind raced briefly till he heard a sharp intake of breath.

He was surprised that he didn't hear a crack when he snapped his head to Nihon, who was staring at the opened box with wide eyes. The raven had a hand over his mouth as he slowly reached in and pulled out the thing. Britain braced himself for a fight, putting the painting aside and letting his friends crowd around it. He somewhat regretted even trying to make that thing, watching Nihon hold the item with both hands.

It was a kitten plushie. It had folded ears like a Scottish Fold and an adorable bobtail of a Japanese Bobtail, tortoiseshell fur and white paws. The plushie almost looked as if it would have been a mix-breed of the two mentioned cats; it was more chibi-filed then real but still cute. At least in Britain's view.

Nihon stared at it in silence, his eyes betraying no emotions. _K-kawaii... _

The Asian slowly turned his back to the pirate before hugging the kitten doll tightly. _Kami-sama it's too adorable! _He thought, squeezing the poor plushie with harder.

A thick eyebrow was raised as Britain stared at Nihon's back, feeling slightly weird out. "Oi...you okay there...?" Came the unsure question, the blonde was tempted to shift away from the other. The Englishman's words however made the raven twitch, bringing him back to reality. Very slowly, the dark-haired male turned his head back slightly and narrowed his eyes. The room temperate seemed to drop and the door suddenly looked really appealing to Britain.

"...You did not just see that." The Asian nation stated softly, a quiet command in his voice. The Brit nodded once, still freaked out. A tense silence filled the room as Britain watched the raven put the doll beside him and pulled out something else.

_Shit,_ the pirate's eyes widened and he remembered the other thing he had placed in there. He got ready to make a quick escape. A black-gloved had hovered over his pistol while Nihon brought out a voodoo doll of himself. It had numerous pins and needles stuck into it and the words "Go home and die" sewed into the back. The tension grew when the Oriental nation flipped the thing over a few times before putting it back into the box and Nihon stood up.

However, the slim blade Britain expected never came. Instead, the Japanese got up and muttered a small thank-you before heading for the door.

"H-hang on!" The blonde called out, frowning in angry confusion. "No insults or anything?"

The raven raised a brow, resting a hand on his hip as he replied nonchalantly "Why, do you crave for criticism?"

"I gave you a doll meant to curse you, it's not really a nice thing you' know" Britain grumbled, looking away before quickly adding "B-but its not that I care or anything! It's tradition so it's not as if I spent weeks on those stupid things!"

Nihon rolled his eyes, "Of course you didn't, as I also did not spend just about the same amount of time on such pathetic little things for an idiot like you"

"Why you little—"Once again, the Brit was interrupted by the other.

"Well, I was expecting worse. Maybe a bomb or something that you Europeans would present" A small, smug smile danced on Nihon's lips briefly. "Besides, I gave you something equally unpleasant as well though I admit it might be useful for a brat like you."

"Wait" The Asian paused in his steps, glancing back.

"How the bloody hell did you know how they looked like?" Britain gestured to the portrait which his friends were still gathered around. To his knowledge, he was the only one who could see his magical friends. Nihon seemed to ignore them despite having his own magical friends in the house as well.

The Japanese male stared before looking at the floor, "Do not ask." He said before leaving the blonde alone with his friends.

Britain glared at the door before shifting it down to the box. The other's words brought his guard up but his instincts told him that it wasn't a bomb like what the raven previously mentioned. For minutes he did nothing but stared wearily at the gift however curiosity got the better of him. Carefully, the pirate pinched the extra paper-bedding at the bottom of the box and pulled it out. Then his eye kept twitching and a vein popped again.

It was a book. More precisely, it was a _cook_ book with a huge title in bold screaming '**HOW NOT TO SCREW UP WHILE IN THE KITCHEN**'

The Englishman crushed the paper in his hand, God how could he not had expected this?

Outside in the mansion, Nihon still wore the smug smile as he walked Pochi-kun. It _did_ take a long time and a lot of frustration to paint that thing but it was worth it. Besides, the curse doll was kind of cute too. The raven chuckled under his breath, bending down to pet his dog, at least now that brat will not be able to 'curse' him now.

* * *

Insult wars.

Most conversations between the couple would end in a fight however sometimes Britain and Nihon would fight with words instead of blades or guns. It didn't destroy any furnishes or spill blood so it was quite useful when they were too worn-out from a mission, feeling lazy or just plain creative. A normal person would have committed suicide from such hurtful words but the insults would bounce off those two most of the time. _Most of the time._

Currently the Brit and Asian were in the sun-room, throwing words like daggers back and forth.

"Bastard"

"Son of a bitch"

"Useless dog"

"Bloody wanker"

"Pathetic limey"

"Man-slut"

"Imbecile"

"Cocksucker"

"Boring piece of poop" Britain raised a brow at that one while Nihon shrugged in reply.

Then the insults would move on to other things…

"You're so fat, that people mistake you for an ancient blue whale"

"You are so fat, that when you try to shamelessly kill yourself by leaping off a building, you bounce right back up."

"You're mother was so ugly—"

"No mother insults please" The dark-haired man cut in, scowling lightly.

"Fine, then what?" The Brit watched as Nihon rested his hand in his palm.

"Um, your eyebrows are so ugly that when you walk across the streets, every reflection glass would explode?" Damn, they were running out of ideas.

"Well, your food sucks so bad that when—"

"Excuse me, _my_ food?" The Asian sat up, looking slightly offended. "Are you not using that book I gave you?"

"Yes, your food. And no, I burnt it and sent its ashes to a church to be purified." He had fun doing that.

"Take it back about my cooking" Nihon hissed, glaring fiercely. How dare this pathetic brat insult his cooking?!

"After you take back about my eyebrows, their perfectly normal" Britain snarled, standing up.

The raven stared coldly at him for a moment before chuckling darkly, making a small shiver go up the Brit's spine.

"So be it."

In the end, the splats would sometimes end badly with one of them getting too angry. They would not tolerate each other's presence in the same room and sleep in different rooms. Britain would spend the next week sleeping in the guestroom, apparently Nihon claimed their bed as his for he was the 'wife' and there for had power over the bed. He would also sometimes send Pochi-kun into the blonde's room to bother – more like an onslaught of licks – him. In return, the Englishman's friends would hide the oriental nation's things or tie ribbons in his hair. The rest of the time, they would avoid one another till whoever pissed the other off would come to and apologize.

In this fight, it was Britain's fault so here he stood, outside their bedroom. Taking a deep breath, he hammered the door. As expected, it swung open and revealed a stoic Asian.

"It's not that I care or anything" The blonde growled, glaring at the floor. "It's just that I want you to know that you've been forgiven!" With that he left and went back his own room, slamming the door.

It would take ten minutes or so before a knock on the door would sound. Britain stomped over and yanked the door open, ducking in time to avoid a pillow to the face.

"Get your insignificant being back in there" Nihon splats before storming back to their room but leaving the door open. Britain collects his things and follows, lying in bed with their backs facing one another. The exchange would be almost the same if the Japanese man was in the wrong, however not as forceful as he would apologize more calmly before retreating.

Sighing at the familiar feeling of his bed, Britain waits for awhile to settle in before turning over. He reached out and pulled the other closer by the waist. Half of the time, he would be rewarded with a kick near the groin. The other half however if he was lucky, the Asian would response not as violently, such as nights like this.

The dark-haired man tried to shift away, "I am still upset with you" he muttered.

"Forgive me?" The pirate's words were hardly even pleading but it was rare, those words would never be heard outside this room.

Nihon didn't answer but didn't try to escape when Britain started to place butterfly kisses along his neck. "I'm still upset" He grumbled, turning and shooting the blonde a glare.

"Don't be" Britain said, capturing the other's lips with his own. The oriental nation made a noise and kissed back as forcefully. They fought viciously for dominance; hands worked clothes off and legs tangled together.

Nihon rolled on top on the other, straddling him and broke the kiss for air. Red orbs stared down at him, half-lilted with a hazy lust. The Asian's top was hanging by his elbows, revealing a milky-white chest littered with red hickeys while the moonlight that shone through the curtains seemed to make his black hair and eyes glow. _Like a fallen angel_, Britain thought as he took the Japanese's left hand, kissing the ring they were made to wear. "Beautiful" He whispered, kissing the raven's knuckles.

The dark-haired man's eyes narrowed, "Cheeky bastard" Nihon remarked but let the Brit pull him down for another kiss. "If I am unable to walk right for more than a week again, I will castrate you" He warned, digging his nails into the pirate's shoulders to back up his threat.

"We'll see" The Englishman answered, flipping their positions with a grin. Tonight was going to be fun.

* * *

**...Maybe I should stop listening to MLP songs while typing this. That was a horrible ending I know, please don't kill me! QwQ**


	4. Food, Bath and Bed

**Oh look I'm still alive! Hello y'all~ I'm sorry for the wait, school just started two days ago and it was messy. Thank you to all who reviewed/favorited/story-alerted/read/barely glanced at it. The encouragement helps me feel that its not too OOC-ish. Little Reflection's taking a longer time cuz it has a plot and that I'm either lazy or busy Mapling. *shot* **

**I heard of a saying that the 'husband' provides three things: Food, Bath and Bed so here it is. I wanna thank my sis for helping out with the Nihon's reply letter and the muffin insult. Love ya Kiara!**

**Warning: Boy's love, english mistakes, slight OOC-ness, England/Britain's scones, a hint of racist, magical friends and A WHOLE LOAD OF TSUN.**

**I doesn't own. TTwTT**

* * *

**Food**

One of the unspoken rules of the marriage was that Britain never, ever touches anything related to cooking. Well, he could touch them but not actually try to use it of course. Then again, it didn't seem like the Brit would. He appeared to be too lazy to do it, always leaving it to the maids or sometimes Nihon.

So the day when Nihon, who was under the weather, stepped into the kitchen for a snack, he was so shocked that he froze in his steps. It wasn't the Britain in a pink apron that scared him – alright maybe a little – but those monstrous things the blonde called 'scones'. The said snacks of doom sat innocently on a plate, colored in an evil shade of black with smoke rising from it. The Asian nation stared at them with uncharacteristic fear in his red orbs before slowly backing out of the room.

Unfortunately Britain just _had_ to turn from the oven and spot him. Why? It was probably revenge for nearly breaking his nose with the door.

…Then again, it wasn't Nihon's fault that the man was standing right outside the bathroom, who told him to stand so close?

"Oi, I made food" The Englishman murmured sourly, pulling out well burnt scones from the oven with Nihon's favorite kitty mittens.

The dark-haired male nearly choked at the other's last word, crossing his arms. "Were you bored or did the cook quit?"

"I just…had an urge to cook alright?" Britain growled, turning away with a barely visible blush. "It's not as if I made it for you just because you're not feeling well, you hear me? I just wanted to so go get a plate."

"If this is your way of getting back at me, please try harder."

"It is not poisoned I swear."

"I appreciate the offer but I suddenly recall that I have important paperwork to do. Goodbye." Nihon replied and nearly made it out the room when a hand circled around his arm. Shit.

"You will eat. That's an order."

And that's how the two were now sitting at the table with the 'scones' before them. Nihon carefully poked his with a fork, half-expecting it to jump up and eat him. Across him, Britain happily ate his with his tea, looking absolutely fine. The raven was still testing his when the Brit finished three of the overcooked sweet bread. He growled at the shorter man's manners, which was odd since it was normally the other way round.

"Will you stop playing and eat it?"

Nihon looked up and shot him a skeptical look "I'm sorry, was I actually supposed to _eat_ this?"

"Don't push it old man." The blonde grit his teeth, feeling a vein pop.

"And I haven't even tried to poison you yet."

"I assure you that it's not drugged, even I wouldn't fall that low." The Asian hid a grin when Britain's eye kept twitching.

"But I can't taste anything."

"So? Just eat."

"I believe I'm sick enough."

"Are you saying that my cooking sucks?"

"Don't put words in my mouth."

Both nations had a glaring contest, daring the other to back down. The dark aura that was beginning to overflow in the kitchen was suddenly cut off when Nihon sneezed softly. The blonde blinked and passed the other a tissue, earning a mumbled thank you.

"I don't have time to waste auguring about small things like this." The Oriental nation said, sniffing lightly. "Just eat it yourself brat"

Britain glared, although it wasn't as hard as before. "Scared gramps?"

"Not scared, sick. Now if you excuse me." Nihon stood up, pushing in his chair before leaving the room.

He glanced back at the pirate and regretted it. The Asian still saw the hidden disappointment in the Brit's eyes, ignoring the thorn of guilt that was pricking his heart. Luckily, he made it to their room without any problem and took a nap. Nihon was having a weird dream of scones trying to eat when a knock on the door woke him up. A maid came in pushing a trolley, on it was once again, scones but not as black as the previous batch. In fact, these looked like normal bread and almost edible. Almost, because Nihon still didn't trust it.

"My lord requested that you eat something since you didn't have dinner." The young lady said nervously, handing the raven a folded paper before bowing. The oriental nation narrowed his eyes and flips the note open.

_I remade them. These ones have red bean paste in them, they are called azuki right? If you don't eat something, I'll come and bloody force feed you. You won't enjoy it so you better eat damn wanker!_

_Love, Arthur Kirkland_

Huffing, Nihon placed the note on the drawer and glared venomously at the food. Although he could feel hunger gnaw at him, the Asian wasn't sure if it was enough to risk it. At least there was tea, he mused as he nodded in thanks to the maid when she passed him a cup of tea. He glared at the murder weapons, half-hoping that it would bust into flames from his glare. Sadly, it didn't so it was either this or actually being force fed by Britain. The raven knew that the saying that the 'husband' brought food to the table, but didn't really think it was this serious.

Reluctantly, Nihon weakly picked up one of the scones. This was not going to end well….

Much later that night, the Brit was in the study when the same maid he sent to Nihon knocked and came in. She greeted him and gave him a letter before quickly leaving. The pirate frowned at her actions but didn't question, opening the note instead. And nearly crush the poor thing while reading it.

_Thank you for the food, however from now onwards you are forbidden to do or help out cooking. It was horrible and you should arm your men with them instead of guns. If I start vomiting blood, you are not welcomed to my funeral, husband or not._

"That bastard…" Britain snarled, about to rip the note apart when he noticed that there was more on the other side.

_Still, I guess I appreciate the effort. It must have taken much of your time to remake them…._

His lips were about to curve into a slight grin but dropped when he kept reading.

_But seriously though, this is going to give me nightmares. You shouldn't have burnt that book I gave you. I sincerely hope that you are proud of yourself. Please learn how to really cook or kill yourself from shame._

_Kiku Honda._

The blonde gentleman stared at the words for a minute or so. With a poker face, he brought out a lighter and burnt the note. Brushing the ashes aside, Britain finished up his paperwork before heading downstairs to empty the wine cabinet a bit.

* * *

**Bath**

Splash.

…

"Get your foot away before mine finds your ass."

"I'm not touching." A grin. "Still not touching."

"How immature."

"It says gullible on the ceiling."

"Do you really think I'll fall for the same trick twice?"

He shrugs. "Maybe"

…

"Foot. Away. _Now._" The tone was one of barely contained rage.

"…Heh."

Poke.

"Alright that's it!" More splashing was heard as a katana suddenly appeared out of nowhere.

"Blimey!" Splash. "Why the bloody hell did you bring that in?!"

"Because unlike you, I do not misplace my toys" Emerald-green eyes narrowed.

"They're not toys, they are lethal weapons!" He pulled out his gun and took aim. "And I do not misplace them. I just tend to forget sometimes."

Both of them readied their weapons, glaring with venom.

...

"We should continue this later, it's too cramped here."

"Agreed, we shall finish this later."

…

Nudge.

Splash.

"Die English muffin!"

* * *

**Bed**

You may not believe, but most of the nights in bed are spent sleeping. It isn't that they didn't have a good stamina, see Britain, but it was because they believed in marriage without sex. And that the first night somewhat left Nihon scarred thus sex was uncommon. Even so, the nights were not peaceful. In fact, it was often awkward for both sides.

The two lay under the covers, trying hard to fall asleep. Nihon couldn't help but keep fidgeting, feeling uncomfortable with a shirtless Brit next to him with nothing but a pillow separating them. It still shocked the oriental how open Europeans were. On the other side of the pillow wall was Britain, who had his eyes shut tightly as he tried to will himself to sleep. However the other's movements kept snapping him awake.

Britain growled before propping himself up with his elbow, "Will you stop moving?! I'm trying to sleep here!"

"Well maybe if you wore more clothes it wouldn't be as hard." A pair of red eyes was still visible in the dark.

"It's too warm you bloody fool!"

"Open the windows or something." Nihon murmured, shifting till his back faced the other.

"The rain will come in." The blonde shot the other a deadpan look despite knowing that it was too dark to see.

"It's always raining here, I hate your home."

"Too bad now stop moving or else I'll throw you out"

"You can't so go to sleep."

"Then quit shifting already—Ow!" The Brit yelped when Nihon kicked his shin.

"Please stop your whining."

"I'm not whining, blood hell…" Britain grumbled, turning away from the raven as well.

A much more comfortable silence than before fell on them. The Englishman was on the edge of sleep while the Asian's breathing started to slow when loud shifting noises were heard. Their eyes snapped open and both sat up.

"Bloody git!"

"Damn dog!"

They paused and stared at each other for a moment.

"Wait a minute, that wasn't you?" The blonde raised a brow.

The dark-haired man shook his head. "I thought you were the one—"

Nihon was cut up when they heard a low thump and the bed shook slightly. The two shared a glance before Britain peeked over the sides of the bed.

"Do you think…?" The Brit began but froze when the other hung over the bed to check underneath. "H-hey, wait!"

He half expected Nihon to shout or something but the Asian simply made an annoyed sound before lying back on the bed.

"Never mind, it was just Ba-kun waiting for us to fall asleep. He was having a play fight with your horse thing."

"Pardon?"

Britain got off the bed and turned on the lamp – "Hey!" – Before peeking under the bed. There was Uni who was wearing a hand-in-the-cookie-jar expression and a weird creature beside him. It was like a huge wild hog with an elephant's trunk and big cat's paws. The thing saw him and squeaked, scrambling behind the unicorn.

"Don't do that, it scares him and off the light." Nihon hissed, glaring from under the blanket.

The pirate shrugged while getting up, he switched off the light and slipped into the covers. "So what is that thing?" He paused "And I thought I was the only one who can see my friends."

"His name is Ba and he is not a 'thing'. Baku eats bad dreams, like your scones, and turns them into good ones."

"…You didn't answer the last one."

"Please just go to sleep before I let him knock you out."

* * *

**- I went to check out about scones, apparently they put in fillings in them.**

**- Well...I guess you can say that they were in a bathtub. Why? Either it was 'bonding-time' or they were just bored. I was tempted to use a shower scene instead and that some naughty stuff happens and the water bills go higher but this was more fun to write.**

**- The Baku is a creature that eats your nightmares, turning them into good dreams or better fortune. To call the Baka, you must say "Baku kurae" three times before sleeping. **

**- This Japan is from the past, so he still retains some of his magical-friends-seeing ability. He can see his yokai easily but England's ones are harder. They appear blurry or shadowed to his eyes for he is starting to lose this skill. **

**Anyway hope you enjoyed this chapter! X3**

**Next chapter: Tea.**


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